Once upon a time a middle-aged lady named Cinderella found herself with 3 kids, no husband and no income. You remember Cinderella? She had a dysfunctional childhood with an evil stepmother and 2 awful stepsisters, but she managed to attract the attention of a handsome prince, who married her and took her away to his castle after finding her using her glass slipper.
Twenty years and 3 kids later, the prince tells Cinderella he wants a divorce. He wants a new princess, not a middle aged lady with larger feet. He has a new girlfriend who is younger and as pretty as Cinderella used to be in her glass slipper days. The glass slipper, which sat on the mantlepiece for 15 years and then mysteriously disappeared one day, it turns out, fits the new girlfriend’s foot. Anwyay, the Prince says he only wants partial custody of the kids and will pay child support. Unfortunately the first 3 child support checks haven’t arrived yet. They are still in the mail. Cinderella is about to use the last of her funds to buy the kids school uniforms. Naturally the kids go to the most expensive private schools (public if you are in England).
She thinks back on her years as a princess. She lived in luxury, though she worked hard. People think that royalty sits around in palaces and go on vacations to exotic places when they like, but actually they have full schedules and do many charitable works. Plus they have to deal with paparazzi everywhere they go.
To tell the truth, Cinderella doesn’t miss her life at the castle all that much. Oh sure, there were many advantages (not the last of which were nannies to watch the kids), and a nice place to live, good food and nice clothes, but she never felt truly “free.” Also the Queen, her mother-in-law, treated her disdainfully (as if Cinderella was kind of dumb), and she never truly felt a part of the royal family, though she had many letters of encouragement from the public.
Cinderella feels badly about her marriage breaking up. She wonders if she could have done better. She feels depressed, but decides that maybe it is time for her to get a job. She sits down at her small formica kitchen table and makes a list of all the things she did as princess. The list goes something like this:
Daily: Eat breakfast, get the kids off to school, have my hair and nails done, get my makeup done, someone picks out a dress for me to wear, play with the dog and cat a bit, meet with my secretary to plan the day’s calender. Eat lunch, go to the private gym 3 times per week, see my shrink four times per week. Someone picks out a dress for me for dinner, eat dinner, spend 1 hour with the kids in the evening, give them to the nanny to put them to bed, then read up on any materials I need for tomorrow’s meetings.
Daily calender also included:
1. Make appearances for charitable organizations
Make appearance for AIDS prevention
Visit hospitals and clinics
Make appearances for anti-land-mine groups
Make appearances for Animal Cruelty Prevention
Cut ribbons for new buildings, smash champagne bottles for new oceanliners and yachts
2. Organize events to raise funds for crisis situations and needy groups with worthy causes
Attend balls and dances with my husband the prince, attend gallery openings
Attend international events as a representative of royalty of my country
Tour foreign countries
3. Attend fashion shows (especially for shoes)
4. Meetings with the Queen, my husband, our PR-media people
Cinderella looks at this list and thinks: "where was time for my kids? Where was time to spend with friends? Where was free time to just take a walk, read a book, or bake a cake? And where was time with my husband?"
Was THIS happily ever after?
Cinderella decides to “analyze” her list. She makes a new list.
The first list she makes is what she didn’t like and what she would rather not do again:
going to the gym 3 times per week, seeing a shrink, meetings with the Queen my ex-husband and PR people, being followed by paparazzi, attending international events (too nerve-wracking) and NEVER having any time to myself!
The Second list she makes is what she loved most doing as princess: Her favorite activities were:
Doing charitable work, working for animal cruelty prevention. spending time with her pets, meeting and working with other “common” people organizing events. (She thinks as she is writing, “hmmm,there was a guy, what was his name, who worked for the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals? I enjoyed working with him organizing the animal fund-raisers! I DO love organizing, especially for causes I believe in! And I worked hard on that one! Yes, his name was Samuel. I also enjoyed attending some of the parties and meeting interesting people".)
So, she thinks: OK, I LOVE animals and working with them and for them. I like working with other people. In fact I like PEOPLE. I like helping them and working together with them. I am a good communicator. When I love doing something, and when I believe in it, I do it well! In fact, it doesn’t seem at all like work!
She decides to give Samuel a call. He is surprised to hear from her, and calls her “your Majesty”. She tells him he doesn’t have to call her that anymore, she and the prince have split, and she is now a commoner again. She tells him she is looking for a job and wonders if she can speak with him about it soon. He says “yes,of course!” and tells her he could use her talents and skills in organizing events, and that even though she is no longer a princess people like her and she might be a good spokesperson for animal cruelty prevention.
He tells her though, she may have to buy a few pairs of jeans and regular-people working clothes.To Cinderella, this seems like a small price to pay!
So Cinderella begins her new job and feels happier than she ever has! She doesn’t make a lot of money, but finally the child support checks start coming in, so she makes enough. She loves working with the animals, organizing events, working with people, acting as a spokesperson. She is a very good fundraiser and organizer. She has more time with her children (who she has now moved to public schools) and for herself. She has time to take walks, bake cakes, and has made new girlfriends who she has time to see for lunch every now and then.
She realizes that everything she did before prepared her for this job. She really doesn’t need a shrink after all. And she is actually grateful to the Prince for asking for a divorce.
And then, she and Samuel begin to strike up a romance….but that’s another story!
With warm regards,
Jill
This story is dedicated to my friend Kaye, who “transitioned” and left this life June 14, 2009. I hope this would have made her laugh!
image: www.glassslipperusa.com/store/scripts/prodVie...
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MILLENIUM GENERATION? GENERATION Y? I’M YOUNG AND DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING!
06/10/20090 Comment(s) image: http://www.knowledgeinfusion.com/coe/blogs/infuser/2008/02/14/great-article-on-multiple-generations-in-the-workplace
“All I know is that I don't know nothing.
We get told to decide.
Just like as if I'm not going to change my mind.”
“Knowledge” Green Day (originally by Operation Ivy)
Why do you have to “decide” now? Why do you have to choose a career now? How can you know what you want to do for the rest of your life?
The answer is: You don’t! You can’t! And if you feel the pressure to decide now, it is no wonder you may be confused and unsure of which direction to go.
You will learn more and more about yourself as time goes on. To engage in our “passions” in life, which are the basis for happy careers, we have to know what those passions are. Believe me, there are plenty of older people who still don’t know! You may not be able to say what you will be doing in 10 years, but you can discover what you enjoy doing right now. You only need to give attention to yourself and your life, and to ask the “right” questions. The rest is a natural process that evolves over time. It is not a controlled process that is planned. It is a “natural and organic” unfolding of your life and career!
THE OLDER GENERATION--MY GENERATION--HAS FORGOTTEN THAT LIFE IS ABOUT THE JOURNEY, NOT THE DESTINATION. (And as you can see by the state of the economic and business-world, that behavior-and-belief-system is falling apart) We have forgotten that life is not about the GOAL. We have given you the message that life is about “getting the goodies,” achieving the goal, and not discovering, over time, who you are and what your unique gifts are. And we have not provided you with the tools to understand how to LOOK for those things within yourself.
If you are confused now, it is understandable. We have emphasized goal achievement –and that is not the purpose of this journey called life! Nor is it the basis for deciding on a career.
What do you think of when you think about work and career? What do the terms mean to you? Sometimes we get too focused on these WORDS –CAREER –JOB—that we forget about the true meaning behind career search.
REDEFINING WORK AND CAREER
WORK: We’ve forgotten the true meaning and definition of work. We’ve mostly forgotten that our work can be an expression of our passions in life. Work we love is a unique expression of who we are as people. Work we love is liberating! Work we love gets us up in the morning, fascinates us, makes us want to “start at the bottom” AND LEARN when necessary. It is so much fun we would pay THEM for the opportunity! Work we love inspires us to work sometimes many hours per day. We aren’t aware of the passage of time. And it comes naturally to us! We enjoy doing it so much that the salary isn’t the objective. It is the substance of the work, and the fun we have while doing it! We are inspired by the fact that we have more to learn, not threatened by it. Because we know that we have a talent for it –and we are at our best when we are engaging in it.
It is spending our time doing something that FEELS GREAT!
CAREER: is something that unfolds over time. The word implies a long-term involvement doesn't it? A career grows, changes, sometimes changes direction, evolves. As we do, along with it. Enjoying the “journey” to becoming a more and more accomplished professional, artisan, or contributor. Even living through the not-so-much-fun parts, and the challenges, because the journey itself is liberating and expansive.
Is this the idea you have about career? Probably not. Maybe “working-adulthood” looks boring and uninteresting to you. Maybe you have picked up negative messages from your parents or other sources about work and career. Maybe it just looks down-right scary now.
If I call you an “artist, creating your career" does that make you feel uncomfortable? Does the term “joyous work” perhaps make you a bit uneasy? Maybe you are even a bit cynical? You may not have that definition of work: that it is meant to be something joyous and personally fulfilling. Maybe the messages you got from your parents, from schools, from the media, or based on your gender or race, were different. Maybe you have the idea that work is a means to an end. Not an end in itself. If you do feel cynical, confused and/or frightened about work (and cynicism is actually based on fear), take a good long look at that feeling. Ask yourself what your personal definition of work and career actually is!
IF YOU ASK THE QUESTIONS, THE ANSWERS WILL BEGIN TO APPEAR
Here are some tips to help you get focused and start asking the questions that will bring you some answers:
1. Who Am I?
Know yourself; listen to your own inner voice (no one else’s!) This is true at whatever age you are! Pay attention to what you love to do—hobbies, extra-curricular activities, course content of classes you want to take. What are the pastimes and activities that make your heart sing? If that question makes you uncomfortable, you let me rephrase it: what activities do you get immersed in, enjoy, where time seems to disappear?
What are your special talents and gifts? What subjects and/or activities did you enjoy in school? What are you/were you interested in? Nothing? What about outside of school? This information tells you a lot. Remember the computer industry was developed by people who loved tinkering with computers? They weren’t doing it in school in the beginning –there WERE few computers in schools or homes until just a few years ago!
Pay attention to your interests, pay attention to what comes easily to you. Make that the focus of your career search –doing what you love to do!
Can’t figure out what you love to do? OK, start with what you DON’T love to do! Eliminate what you dislike first. It is a start. We can see more easily what we want if we understand what we don’t want.
2. Who do I admire?
Look at your personal heroes. Who are they? WHY do you admire them? What have they “achieved” that you admire? The reasons you admire them will tell you a lot about your personal values.
3. Where can I get information about how to interpret my personal characteristics, talents and skills?
There is so much information available to you. More than there has ever been, for any generation! (And sometimes that’s the problem!) Check out job descriptions on the internet. Get the facts on any career that interests you. Ask questions. Take advantage of any self-knowledge and career counseling services available to you. Take tests like Myers Briggs, FiroB, Strong (career titles), and Holland Codes (available to you on the internet for a $10 fee at http://www.discoveryourpersonality.com/Firob.html). if you want information, buy a book on Enneagrams, or Myers Briggs. If you are in school take full advantage of the career center. It is there to help you gather information.
4. Can I expand my view of the working world to new possibilities?
Search beyond your family for jobs that sound interesting to you –by that I mean – look beyond the careers of your parents. When we are young our worlds are somewhat “narrow”, meaning that our primary role models are our parents. If you believe you would love to do what your parents did, that’s perfectly fine. But remember there are other alternatives too. Take the time to search outside those boundaries. This is YOUR life! The world is a big place with endless possibilities. Realize too that your parents’ disappointments and frustrations with their own careers have been communicated to you – they have been your role models! Your parents have done nothing wrong; they have simply communicated verbally and nonverbally, their own successes and disappointments about aspects of life. Just be aware their experience is theirs –it does not make a general statement about the “truth” of life—or careers. Your experience will be your own, and no one else’s.
5. How Do I analyze myself and my experiences?
Do some “analysis” of yourself and your personal history. Look at your experiences so far. That’s the way we all learn –by experience! If you are in school, or were in school, pay attention to which courses you consider to be “fun” and interesting. Not the ones you “should” take to be a responsible adult, but the ones you consider interesting and exciting. THAT is where your interests lie! If it helps, write a personal autobiography (please see my blog article: Writing a Career Autobiography)
6. Can I see beyond the educational system?
Sometimes having too much choice is confusing. Our school systems are sometimes misguided, however well-meaning they may be. Your educational background has probably expected you to be a generalist, and exposedyou to so many subjects that you may not have the slightest idea what direction you want to go. Once you get to the college level you are then asked to decide what you want to do as a career. That kind of pressure only creates confusion. It is difficult to suddenly decide when the focus of our education has been general.
Second, students are usually not asked what they want to study, or the course of study they would like to take. To suddenly then expect them to make decisions about what they want, when they have never been asked before, can create great presuure.
Another kind of pressure from educational systems often comes when young people do not feel they have had an success in school. School systems are just one kind of system! They obviously do not determine a person’s worth –only how well the person can adapt to the educational system! When we are young it is quite normal to want to be "accepted" and to "fit in". But we are all individuals, and sometimes we don't feel we fit in. School can be a difficult experience for many young people. (We do not “blame” the school system, but see it only as it is: a particular system.) Some people, on the other hand, do quite well in school and enjoy the experience. We are all different!
7. Am I willing to work towards a career once I know what it is?
If you are following your passion, and truly are following the path of your unique talents and dreams, the answer to this will be YES! If that is not your response, give more thought to your direction. None of us enter our new careers with all the experience and knowledge necessary to do them well. Part of the career-journey is preparation, training, understanding the mechanics of any career and job and being able to execute it. (And yes, at the risk of sounding like an “old person”, we also learn over time what it means to be responsible for something, to do what we say we will do, to show up, to be reliable.)
Maybe we need to go back to school to study more. Maybe we need apprenticeships. Perhaps we need to work at something else while we are training for our career.
There is something else that may surprise you: having responsibility and being trusted to do a job --being treated like an adult --is a wonderful and libertaing experience! We sometimes think that "responsibility" is drudgery! Being respected enough to be given tasks to complete is a great experience! It makes us proud of ourselves.
8. Am I confusing LIFESTYLE with career?
I see many young people focused on job titles, job level, and income. This is the MTV era of rap singers showing off their “stuff” -- their homes and cars. Lifestyle comes as a result of doing what you love –it is not the purpose of career search. Don’t mistake lifestyle for the substance of your career. Lifestyle is not the objective.
BUT, and this is a big BUT –lifestyle naturally comes from doing what you love and have talents for. Abundance comes as a result of your work –not before. It is perfectly OK to have lifestyle preferences. Some of us love to travel. Some of us love the outdoors. Some may not want to be married or have families. All of that is OK and important to know about yourself. Your natural preferences, about lifestyle, if you pay attention to them, will be a part of the career(s) you choose. But lifestyle alone is not enough to determine enjoyment in a job/career. Wanting to maintain a lifestyle means we will choose work and career as a means to do that, rather than paying attention to the substance of our work.
9. Am I comfortable with change?
Expect life to change! Expect to change your mind! Life is about change and expansion. As you learn more about yourself and have more experiences you will change too. Change is another organic and natural part of life. If we fear it, we get stuck. If you are able to live in the "present" moment, you will quite naturally move in the direction of your future –without effort!
10. Am I OK with making “mistakes”?
Actually you can’t make a mistake. No experience is ever wasted –even if it is an experience of confusion! When we find out what we don’t want –that experience leads us to decide what we want.
It is confusion that often inspires us—to sort out the confusion! To make sense of it. Especially including -- within ourselves and our own lives. There may be times when we look back and say, “I wish I had done that differently!” But so what? Life is for learning! There are likewise many experiences in life we look back on and say: “if it hadn’t been for that (TERRIBLE) experience, I might not have gone in the other direction which brought me what I wanted! Life is a journey of discovery of ourselves and others. Confusion and uncertainty at times are normal for any human being. It doesn’t FEEL good, but it is that negative feeling that gets us moving in the direction we want to go.
Some Final Practical Thoughts:
+If you believe a particular career is of interest to you –try to arrange volunteer work, an internship, or even an informational interview with someone who does that job (see my previous blog on Informational Interviews)
+Do some imagining: what is the thing you would do in a perfect world? How would you spend your time? Maybe doing a variety of things? Or something in particular? What are the pastimes and activities that make your heart sing? What are your special talents and gifts? What are you particularly “good” at?
+Make a “vision Board” so that you can tangibly see in images what it is you want (see my previous blog titled Vision Board). This is a powerful tangible tool for self-discovery
+Ask for help and information from those you trust. You can sift through that to decide what is right for you. There are many people who have been through what you are going through. Many of them have wisdom to share; references, recommendations. You do not have to “reinvent the wheel;” there is a lot of help and assistance available to you. You are not alone!
HOW YOUR GENERATION WILL REDEFINE WORK AND CAREER
Every generation “changes” systems and beliefs from old ones. That’s usually because they feel the previous generation has screwed things up! The challenges you face with an economic system that seems to be falling apart anyway, are here because YOU have the ability to be an architect of a new system! You can do that by following your passions, knowing who you are, remaining true to your values and principles. Just doing it in your own life. We don’t have to be public heroes to change the system. All we have to do is to be true to who we are and what we love.
Every generation brings a new approach to old ideas, and helps the world spiral into a “higher” state of awareness. As a newly emerging generation, you will have a huge impact on how the world works You will influence business, politics, profit motives, and the “consciousness” with which humans approach their work. All because you took the time to know yourself. All because you put your attention where it needs to be: on what brings you greatest joy and satisfaction.
One thing that always seems to surprise even older-adults in the career counseling process, is that they usually don’t learn much “new stuff” about themselves. They often believe that some new insight about themselves will be revealed through career counseling. That some new “secret” about themselves will be revealed. This is usually because they are unaware that they already know at some level, what they want to do –they already have the answers! They just haven’t been able to truly LISTEN to what their hearts were already saying. Or they were unwilling to translate their passions –into their work. That is the “secret”. They already had the answers!
You and your generation will change that. You will “know yourselves” and have the courage to put that self-knowledge into your work and career. Creative expression, in whatever way you define that, will be the natural direction of your life.
I wish you every success –as you define that word—in your journey.
Namaste,
With warm regards, Jill
Your comments are very welcome.
Book Recommendation: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
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CAREER SEARCH--WHERE DO WE BEGIN?
06/04/20090 Comment(s) This image is taken from google images site:www.blendingparadigms.com
I have a close European friend who always felt “different’ than the people in his country. He has felt his countrymen were rigid and inflexible. He left his native country and finally landed in Australia. He is a “free spirit;” a person who does not care about job titles or working in a company. He does not respond well to hierarchy and structure, and is not interested in managing people. That does not mean he is not responsible; when he takes on a task he does it very well. He loves being outdoors. He goes fishing or camping on the weekends. He loves freedom, independence and flexibility. He is an extremely clever and creative mechanic and can fix anything! If he can’t find the objector equipment he is looking for –he invents it! He loves finding old pieces of furniture, old appliances, other odd pieces, and fixing them up again. He is the kind of person who makes a “treasure” out of something that someone else has thrown away. He has found a job he loves, and he has done very well at it. This job has given him responsibility, freedom, the ability to be outdoors, the opportunity to repair occasional mechanical failures, and the chance to pick up odd bits of furniture and other “treasures” no longer needed or wanted by their previous owners. It suits all of his personal needs, he enjoys it, and has fun!
Can you guess what he is doing? + (see the end of this article).
Eckhart Tolle has spoken of the “joys of awakened doing”—the characteristics of which he says are acceptance, enjoyment and enthusiasm. These qualities he says, come from within –not from the activity itself. He says we do not have to wait for something “meaningful” to come into our lives, but essentially can CREATE THE MEANING ourselves; we can enjoy any pastime, with those qualities. It is our ability to be “present” in these moments, which determine our ability to do so. Tolle says, “The true or primary purpose of your life cannot be found on the outer level. It does not concern what you do but what you are—that is to say, your state of consciousness.”
What this means for us in career search is that our emphasis needs to be first on our inner state of presence in the moment, and secondly on those “outer” activities that inspire those feeling in us: acceptance, enjoyment and enthusiasm. When we learn to become more “present” in our lives, enjoying each moment for what it is, we begin to find a variety of personal interests that feel good to us. More and more in fact!
In fact, this approach is very different than most career-search strategies of the past. What it says is this: find your inner presence and balance, and the outer-world-self will take care of itself! That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t look at what we each individually love to do. But it does mean the focus of our search first must be our own “inner worlds.” As we learn to be more focused on the present moment, our interests and joys-of-doing will become even more obvious --and meaningful to us. And, interestingly, there will be more pastimes from which we can find pleasure, because our ability to enjoy individual moments expands as well!
This particular time of the world is offering us the opportunity, and encouraging us to listen carefully to our own desires, rather than to concern ourselves with the “trappings” of our careers –the job titles, the salary and (ego-gratification) “status”. The truth is those elements will come quite naturally to us when we refocus on our own internal needs, and realize that our well being comes from following our hearts, not from listening to the outer world and what it tells us we “should” be or do. The "trappings" come as a result of doing what we love -- they cannot inspire us to love any pastime.
There is no “formula” for this personal change. We must learn to be patient and follow our own natural rhythms. Marsha Sinetar in her book “Do What You Love the Money will follow” says:
“Rushed, forced, pre-programmed formulas for growth are unnatural and do not consider individual temperaments, needs and styles of changing …Rushing headlong into some preconceived notion of what we “should” be not only implies disrespect for self but we then wrongly assume to know what we need better than the inner self…”
Following our heart’s desire can’t be found in some “system,”but only by us—in our own ways-- at our own speeds. The way to START though is by beginning to engage in quiet, non-thought time, focusing on just being present in the moment. As we develop this habit, we find we don’t have to “look” for the answers; they will quite naturally come to us. We will also find that we can enjoy more and more of the pastimes life has to offer. perhpas more than we ever thought possible. We expand our ability to enjoy life, careers, and all the possibilites they hold!
Wishing you all best during these interesting times!
Warm regards, Jill
+ (my friend in Australia drives a garbage collection truck. The truck has a mechanical "arm" which picks up the garbage bins and throw contents into the truck. High tech, indeed!)
Books References:
Tolle, Eckhart A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
Sinetar, Marsha Do What You Love the Money Will Follow
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The LIGHTER Side!
05/27/20090 Comment(s) DRIVE YOUR KARMA, CURB YOUR DOGMA--
SWAMI BEYONDANONDA'S GUIDELINES
FOR ENLIGHTENMENT
words of wisdom from the comedy swami
1. Be a FUNdamentalist. Make sure the fun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled, a laugh track has been provided, and the reason we are put into the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensure regularhilarity.
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering--so you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is tell-a-vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we are getting, we can change the channel.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. And no matter what adversity you face, be reasurred: Of course, God loves you--he is just not ready to make a commitment.
5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure and use mental floss twice a day.
6. If we want world peace we must truly let go of our attachments and live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there will surely be no madness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you are looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, don't dwell on it.
8. There is no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world and we will never have ot change it again.
9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is, there is no key ot the universe. The good news is, it has been left unlocked.
10. Finally, everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don't like it, it's not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. So you don't have to go through channels.
This list was presented to you by permission from the Swami, Steve Bhaerman. You can view his website at www.wakeuplaughing.com
ENJOY! and have a good laugh every day!
With warm regards, Jill
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Getting Started --Questions to Consider In Career Change
05/20/20090 Comment(s) image: kassonpubliclibrary.blogspot.com/2009/03/go-o...
Though the process of career counseling is important in terms of issues “unfolding”, first meetings with potential career counseling/coaching clients are important, because they establish the point of view, experience and beliefs, and desires of clients. Sometimes these questions initially have no easy answers, but allow the client to think about his/her personal direction in career exploration. I often ask some or all of the following questions (some of them overlap) plus questions about specific background, in addition to any that surface during the conversation. Some of these may help you in pondering your career move.
What is your motivation for changing careers?
What are you doing now-or have you done, in terms of preparation/research/personal exploration?
If money was no longer a consideration what would you be doing with your time?
What is your personal definition of career “success”?
The Content (and purpose) of the work you want:
What are your “values” relative to work? (E.g. Helper? Leader? Independent? Add to the World? Add from your expertise and knowledge? Money? Stability? Take care of family? Freedom?) What is most important to you in a job?
What motivates you?
If you were self-employed (own business) what would you do now? If you have been self-employed in the past what did you do?
What is the “secret career” you have always wanted—what parts of yourself and your talents do you “long” to use in a job?
Describe an ideal work day?
What kinds of jobs did you envision as a young person?
Who else do you see working with you if any (alone, with other adults, with kids, etc)
What is the job title alongside your name you would most LOVE to put on your business card? (E.g. Joe Smith, Writer)
What are some your personal talents you want to use in your career? What talents haven’t you used in the past that you would like to use in your next job?
How do you want to feel in your job?
The structure of your work and private life?
Describe an ideal work day?
What is the structure of the job you want? (Part time, 8-5, independent, combinations of all/any these, on a team, in an office or at home, meetings?)
If you could combine the best elements of all your former jobs –what would the new structure look like?
What are your major skills and talents? What are your greatest technical skills?
Of all of your former jobs which one made you FEEL the best? Which gave you most personal satisfaction? Why?
If you are a student or recent graduate, what subjects excited you most in school?
What were the elements of your former jobs that made you feel the best? The worst? What did you dislike?)
Which jobs earned the most money? Which jobs gave you the lifestyle you wanted?
What was that lifestyle?
How do you envision the “perfect” lifestyle –for you?
What is your history with your most recent profession? What is it that is no longer working for you? What parts do you like? Dislike?
Myers Briggs type—have you taken it or another psychometric test? What did you learn about yourself?
What are your greatest interests/hobbies? (how do you love spending your time?)
What do you consider to be your greatest personal achievements in previous jobs?
In initial sessions I don’t focus much on money issues though they do come up. Many young people are concerned about lifestyle over work substance: e.g. how much will I make? Will I have time off? What will the balance of my life be? These are legitimate questions but need to be compartmentalized—by that I man –they need to be in a separate category from work substance and structure.
Here is the commitment from my clients I am looking for: Are you willing to take regular quiet time, allowing connection with your “inner self”? Are you willing to be direct, thorough, honest and courageous in exploring yourself and what you truly want in life? Are you willing to look at patterns in behavior and at beliefs that may no longer serve you? Are you willing to give up some expectations and allow a new career to “unfold” for you?
If you are searching for a new career, I hope these questions help!
With warm regards, Jill
Jill444@counselingjob.net
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THIS ISN’T ”THE USUAL” CAREER CRISIS! WHY DON’T THINGS SEEM TO WORK ANYMORE?
05/13/20090 Comment(s) This is the Introduction- excerpt from my upcoming eBook, working title: “Career Change From the Inside Out”, to be posted in June
Image from www.zazzle.com
Have you noticed lately that things don’t seem to “work” the way they used to? Maybe there are things in your life you seem to have “lost”, your job/career, your confidence, your friends, and your sanity? J Or perhaps there are other things in your life you feel in danger of losing. Lots of fear and uncertainty? Does it seem like you try to do things and nothing seems to work? Or you find yourself in a place where you want change in your life, but seem to be standing still without movement? Perhaps you are unhappy in your job, but are not sure where to go? What to do?
Traditional career counseling has been a process of identifying values, skills, interests, personality and behavioral characteristics. There are a number of great tests exercises and methodologies for doing this. The advent of coaching has changed the field a great deal, because coaching focuses on setting goals, making a list of steps to be taken to get there, adjusting, and checking in with a Coach to keep on track. Achieving those goals. Coaching has proved to be valuable and useful for a number of life and behavioral changing issues. There are plenty of tools and methodologies within the Career Counseling/Coaching profession to help with focus and change.
In the past, as creators of our realities, even if we didn’t know it, the process of “asking” for a change in our lives, like a career change; focusing on it, visualizing the changes we wanted in our lives, usually brought us some kind of result. But that doesn’t seem to work right now. The old ways of change, and even the tools, processes and methodologies-- goal-orientation—do not seem to work. Why? What is lacking? What is that missing piece, or what is it we are doing “wrong”?
Our World is profoundly changing –And So Are We! Why the Old Ways Don’t Work
We are doing nothing wrong. We are experiencing a dramatic shift on this planet. Some say we are actually “ascending” to a more rapid higher-frequency vibratory state –a higher physical dimension. This shift is affecting all of us, whether we know anything about it or not. Sometimes in various ways. Our lives are changing. Some of us are losing what we believed to be the “anchors” of our lives: homes, careers, money, health, and people. Things we believed in. Physically, our DNA is altering.+ Many of us are finding we can’t tolerate old situations. We may feel emotionally drained, physically tired, and wonder what-in the-world is going on. And we may lose confidence in ourselves.
Have you wondered why the world seems particularly crazy at the moment? It is because we can see it more clearly! The world is reflecting this shift. Our global economic system has been severely rocked, and will be changed for evermore. Old institutions are coming down. Old human battles filled with old energy rage on –painfully obvious to all of us. As I write this the media is filled with information about a new strain of swine flu which has circled the globe.
A kind of “bright light” is shining and lots of “dark things” are coming up from under the rocks!
So, too is the light shining in our individual lives. The “dark things” emerging from under our private rocks! Many people are in personal crisis and for many an aspect of that crisis is in their careers. Whether you have lost your job, have been laid off, or no longer believe you are in the right profession, you may be experiencing an aspect of this deep shift we are all experiencing in so many aspects of our lives.
So, if you are in career/job crisis, it is not the “usual or traditional” career crisis. It is a pivotal one. That bright light is shining on you. You are being challenged in a way you never have been! You are being asked to take a look at your old ways of making choices, and to reassess the very basis of how you see yourself, and how you make those career choices.
Choices from the Heart
We are being asked to make choices that come from the heart, rather than the mind. This can be challenging because we are accustomed to using “rational thought” as a basis for our personal decisions. Our minds have been in charge! Not only are we being challenged to dig deeply to discover our true desires, and our “bliss”, without the trappings of some of our old ego-and mind-tools, we are being asked to make choices based on how we FEEL. The new career and job paradigm will be based on complete trust of self: it requires us to have the courage to look deeply within ourselves: to acknowledge what we truly want, to let go of old limiting beliefs, let go of old ideas about stability and certainty. And to make career choices that reflect our passions in life.
If you have now groaned and thought, “Oh –Love yourself!—trust yourself!--those old phrases again!” I do understand you. There was a time when I was so fed up with that line “love yourself, trust yourself”. Everyone is SAYING it, but no one was giving any information on how to DO IT! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy to SAY, not so easy to DO! But I know now that we all have the ability to do so. Each in our own way, which is part of the mystery and delicious—and at times frustrating-- challenge. No one can tell us or show us how to do that.
Fortunately though there is plenty of help with respect to where we can focus and begin. This is what I will share with you in this short book.
The global economic system that the old careers have been based in is leaving us. So, jobs and careers are not going to be the same, because the structure of the system within which they operate will change. The new corporate and economic structure is going to support this new approach to personal career selection. From bottom to top, companies will be based on a new and different ideology. This ideology will reflect our individual change because the whole always reflects the parts.
We ASKED for these changes!
What are we being asked to do –or better yet what are WE asking of ourselves? It is no “accident” any of us are here, at this time on planet earth. We “volunteered” to be here now. In fact, we clamored for it! Can you imagine? What are we –masochists? Not at all! We knew when we came to this lifetime we would be confronted with letting go of many of our old ideas and beliefs. We knew we would potentially “rise” to a higher vibratory level, as individuals and collectively. We knew that, in our soul’s journey, we would be a part of the greatest shift this earth has ever seen!
What has traditionally brought about change in your life? Does change come from everything being rosy, hunkey- dory, happy and stress-free? Not usually. Change comes from challenge, from crisis, from being in a place we can no longer tolerate. Often “hitting bottom” as 12-step programs say. (By the way I believe this is changing, and we will not ask ourselves to experience such profound pain in the future in order to make personal changes. But at this point, this is the only way we know!)
So, as with global systems, we individually are being pushed and shoved to see ourselves differently, to do things differently; to think about ourselves differently. And relative to our careers, to begin to understand it is time for us to engage in pursuits that make us feel alive, happy and personally fulfilled. This means we are going to have to let go of a lot of old stuff crawling out from under the rocks – beliefs about work, “stabilities” we have relied on, beliefs about ourselves. And of course, the old ego and fear-based games we have played. We are being –and will continue to be –challenged to look deeply, deeply within, do a housecleaning of old ideas including self worth issues, and come face-to-face with what we truly want to do with our time.
NOTHING is or going to be more important than our connecting to our authentic-selves. New Careers will not “work” for us if we don’t understand that we are being asked to follow our own true desires and passions. New Careers will not work if we are not motivated by the desire to spend time doing what truly makes us happy (which is a reflection of love for ourselves). This is not the time to focus on what makes money, though it may feel that way when you look at your bills! Our new-career pursuits will not work in the future if they are based on the “old goals” –money, stability, and ego. As long as we continue to hang on to the idea of pursuing those things first, nothing will change.
For me to spend time telling you how you should write your resume or prepare for interviews is a waste of time right now. Though these things are important, they are only a reflection of the inner-work that needs to be done first. Once you get in the flow of deeply understanding what you want and have to give, your resume will be a reflection of your energy and wisdom. Opportunities will land at your door. People will enter your life who make important connections for you. Interviews will materialize, and you will be your “best self” in them. Ultimately, you will find yourself in a career that is personally fulfilling and meets your individual needs. All of this will come because of your willingness to look deeply within, to “let go,” to maintain faith and confidence in yourself, and to be true to your deepest desires.
A Shift in Global Consciousness and Self-Awareness
We are experiencing a shift in consciousness—individually and collectively. Consciousness by its very nature is expansive and without boundaries. There are no processes or procedures that will work, for the “process” of digging deep will be yours. So the only “process” is your own personal journey.
What you are going to do with your working life from here on out, is SO important, Not only for you yourself, but for the whole. You will be a pioneer in the re-engineering of work. Of our global economic system. Most important though, if you can take on the challenge of ultimately “knowing” that you have the answers, and “owning” that it is your job to get to them, you will find a new personal freedom, a new joy, a new self confidence, and a new way of living, making choices and creating your life.
It is a new self-awareness.
It is less action-based. It is heart-centered and not intellectual. It involves greater presence in the moment, more time to “go within” and listening to the “quiet and still” aspects of ourselves –which is actually full of information and wisdom, if we listen. It involves believing in ourselves rather than deferring to the point of view of others. It is becoming aware of many old beliefs that no longer work.
Self-awareness means seeing the “whole picture.” Digging deeply may result in you seeing parts of yourself you don’t like. In a sense, it may take you on an emotional rollercoaster. Part of the self-discovery process is looking at both our “light” and our “darkness”. We all have these energies within us. And we are being challenged to love and accept ourselves in our totality. Exactly as we are. This is necessary, because how can we know what we truly WANT unless we know what we don’t want? How can we know what we want to BE unless we know what we don’t want to be?
Most of us live quiet and ordinary lives. We do not think of ourselves as heroes. We do not think necessarily in terms of “shifts” on the planet, and certainly would not feel ourselves a part of them. But the truth is, we very much are. The whole is a reflection of ALL of its parts. Each of us, as a part of the whole, is being asked to change, so that the whole can change.
So, in doing this inner work, be bold! Be patient with yourself. Be ready to deal with uncertainty (I can guarantee you a lot of that!). Do not be surprised at your own resistance, just recognize it. Don’t be surprised sometimes to see the absolute worst in yourself. Keep the faith in yourself.
Just by being here in this lifetime, you have proved yourself to be a very special soul indeed. A pioneer. One who “volunteered” to come for a time this world has never seen before. You have something absolutely unique to contribute to this world in your career, and the good news is, you can do that with great joy in your own life. You are part of that evolution, and without you, it couldn’t happen!
So how’s that, for being important?!
1. This eBook will contain an extensive bibliography
2. See the Kryon material, www.kryon.com
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ANSWERING ADS PART 2: WHAT YOU FEEL IS WHAT YOU GET!
04/29/20090 Comment(s)
painting by Begoña Landi Pienaar, website www.becreations.jimdo.com
FOR CREATIVE AD-RESPONSE IDEAS AND INTERVIEWING TIPS I RECOMMEND THE SITE BELOW. IT HAS LOTS OF GOOD INFORMATION.
http://www.businessballs.com/interviews.htm#job-seeker_plan
One of the points made this site (above) is: KNOW YOURSELF. I would add to that-- FEEL your best. Because "what you feel is what you get," not only in careers, but also in life. The enthusiasm, self confidence and energy you project in responding to help wanted ads and cycling through the interviewing and selection process is a reflection of your emotional state and feelings of confidence and self-worth.
In fact, the process will be more a result of how you feel about yourself, than what you do. What you DO will be inspired by how you FEEL, so in a sense it makes no sense to separate the two. If you feel good about yourself, you will accept the challenge to apply for more positions and know you are qualified. You will think creatively about marketing yourself. You will have the confidence to approach contacts and new acquaintances for information and referrals. You will be aware when opportunity comes your way, and have the willingness to explore it.
However, if you don’t feel worthy, confident, competent, and “inspired,” you may not be motivated to take steps necessary to find employment. And it is likely you will not see opportunities and synchronicities* as they arise. So, feel first, take action, second!
The challenge becomes FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF as you cycle through the challenges of job search. I am not talking here about superficial confidence (designed to convince others), but true belief in self. You may already know how to get yourself to a place of feeling good. If you don’t, and generally feel demoralized and lacking in confidence, read on. I have some suggestions (that work for me and for others, maybe you will find your own way!).
I’d like to emphasize that trying to change from feeling terrible to feeling great doesn’t work, so before you try any of these exercises I suggest you ensure you are in a place of relative calm and balance. (In other words, if you feel really bad, wait until you feel better).
Last week I emphasized the DON’T’s…here are some DO”s:
The DO’s
1. DO sit quietly in a place where you will not be interrupted. Close your eyes. Focus on your career history, and all the successes you have had. Go as far back into your past as you want to. In your mind cycle through all the major career successes you have had. FEEL how you felt at the time. Stick with that feeling as long as you can. Then go to the next one. (If you don’t feel you have had any successes, I would suggest you work with someone who can help you get back your balance. We have all had successes in the past.) Take as much time as you can with this exercise. Do it daily if it helps. I have a friend who starts with successes in school, for example, she was in several plays in high school, and enjoyed the experience very much. She goes back to that time and hears the applause, the laughter, the recognition, and “feels” her sense of joy and accomplishment all over again. The she moves on from that place, focusing on her successes later in life.
2. DO read your resume –really read it. Look at your talents, your competencies, your promotions. See your career successes in writing. Remember each experience, and how you felt at the time. Get to that feeling place as much as you can. By the way your resume should be a positive “advertisement” –selling YOU. So I am assuming you have a resume that does that!
3. DO something NOW that makes you feel good, even if it is petting your cat or walking your dog! Spend time with your kids. Try a great new recipe if you like to cook. See a great movie, read something you really enjoy. RConsciously create time in your day that makes you feel better, and be aware of it. This is not wasted time. It is truly productive because it is assisting you in getting back to positive feeling about yourself. This is the energy you project, and which also comes back to you in very real ways.
4. DO continue to notice what is good about your life NOW. Keep a gratitude journal. Make a conscious effort to remind yourself about the good things in your life. If you are generally feeling bad, and do not remind yourself of the positives in your life, you can focus more and more on the negatives and the positives can disappear. This is an important exercise in times of crisis and uncomfortable change.
5. DO Practice interviewing. Have someone you know well and trust ask you questions about your background (if necessary, give the person a list of questions to ask!). Ask your friend to “critique” your interview and remind you if you are not selling or giving credit to that successful and competent self!
6. DO remember that action inspired by positive feeling can only bring good results (even if those results are that you feel better about yourself!)
7. DO take quiet time every day. All of my spiritual teachers recommend taking quiet, alone and absence-of-thought time every day. This connects us with our authentic selves. It does not have to be formal meditation time (but certainly can be). It is also very important to BREATHE DEEPLY at every opportunity during the day.
8. DO breathe deeply when you find yourself feeling stressed, fearful, unworthy.
9. DO be aware of your feelings during the day. It is easy for all of us to slip into negativity sometimes and –like positive feelings do –negativity can build on itself and add more and more –till we get to feelings of hopelessness. We have choice and control over what we feel. I am not advocating turning negative thoughts to positive ones instantly –I do not believe that is possible. But we DO have the option of self awareness and choice.
10. Finally, DO practice as many of these steps as you can before you go to an interview. If you are in that frame of mind and truly feel good about yourself, it will show. In fact, it will make all the difference.
With warm regards, Jill
*"Synchronicity" is the term coined by Carl Jung, meaning (among other things) "meaningful coincidence."
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IS YOUR RESUME IN THIS PILE? GETTING INTERVIEWS FOR ADVERTISED JOBS Part 1*
04/22/20090 Comment(s) http://www.reecesrainbow.org/images/pileofpaper.jpg
A recruiter- friend in the states told me recently that his job has transformed from searching for qualified candidates, to wading through literally hundreds of resumes for one position. Given the reality of the job market, recruiters now have the luxury of hiring people who are absolutely qualified for their openings.
This is what you can assume if you have answered any ad: you are one of literally hundreds of candidates. The recruiter or hiring manager will take possibly 1-2 minutes to skim your resume to see if you meet qualifications. If he/she does not see a match based on this rapid review, your resume will be placed in a pile with hundreds of others.
But SOMEONE or (many) will get the job(s)! I would like to help it be you, if that is your wish. I have done hundreds of interviews for a variety of jobs, both “blue collar” and "white collar". These tips are based on my opinion only, other recruiters may disagree. I have used alot of "don't's below, forgive that! Anyway, here goes!
Some General Suggestions:
1. NETWORK! Use your contacts, use your contacts, use your contacts when applying for a job. Did I mention using your contacts? This is absolutely best way to get an interview and a new job, no question about it. Someone within the company (or someone whose opinion is valued by the hiring manager) who has recommended you puts you ahead of all other candidates for the job . Anyone who can recommend you will give you an advantage. And the higher your friend is in the company job-title wise, the better chance you will have. Talk to all of your colleagues and bosses, former and current. friends, relatives, acquaintances, and if you can get a contact, even if you don’t know the person well, do so. If you have had a positive working relationship with former bosses, call them and see if they can help. Do you belong to Facebook? Use it for contacts. Do you belong to LinkedIn? Use it for contacts. Join networking-oriented groups and use them.
2. ASK YOUR CONTACT TO CALL THE HIRING MANAGER ON YOUR BEHALF (if appropriate) If you can get to the recruiter or hiring manager using your REFERRAL via telephone or email, do so. Obviously not as a pest, but to have a brief chat so that you stand out as a candidate.
3. USE A HEADHUNTER/RECRUITER (at no fee to you) if you can. You will probably first have to respond to a job-opening ad the agency has placed. If your experience is senior enough, you may use an executive recruiter. Make no mistake; recruiters will not work with you if they do not believe they can make money from placing you. So, if a recruiter agrees to work with you as a candidate that is a very positive sign. A recruiter/headhunter can save you a lot of work. There are specialty placement firms, for example for executives, for Human Resources people and for IT people. Use one of them if you can. Speak with a recruiter on staff and talk to them about your job possibilities.
I do not believe in candidate- paid fees to headhunters, but I understand the realities of the job market. If you do pay a headhunter or an on-line service that entitles you to search job openings, speak with someone in the agency first, at length, and make sure you trust them. There are never “guarantees,” but do ensure they are trustworthy.
4. DON’T WASTE TIME ON NATIONAL OR INTERNATIONAL JOB OPPORTUNITY WEBSITES, like Monster board for example. (There is one exception and that is a job for which you are well- qualified within your own regional area.) These sites just receive too many candidates to allow even qualified ones to be seen. If you want to use them, post your resume on the site. And you can also get a good sense of what kinds of jobs are actually open, by looking at the list of openings. In my opinion these sites are helpful only for information.
5. DON’T EXPECT TO BE RELOCATED. Apply for jobs within your area. If you plan to relocate to another city tell the company you do, give them a relocation date, and do not imply your coming to that city is dependent on their hiring you. Tell them you are definitely relocating. Tell them you will come for an interview at anytime at your own expense.
Cover Letter/Resume:
When you identify a job for which you are qualified, write a 1-page cover letter addressing exactly why and how, succinctly, you meet each major job requirement. Express your sincere desire to be considered for the position. Mention anyone you know that the recruiter or hiring manager may know (who will speak highly of you.) In fact if you can say: “I was referred to by our mutual friend, Joe Smith, Manager IT”, if you can’t get Joe to call for you! If you do not meet the majority of requirements do not apply (and do not say “I can learn” in your cover letter for any requirement).
Here is an example of a cover letter format, for a Customer Service Manager position. Many recruiters like this format:
Your requirements My qualifications
5+ years as a CS Manager in Telecoms 7 years CS Manager with Nortel
Management of teams to 50 I Managed 2 teams of up to 75 people
Responsible for customer satisfaction Customer survey feedback
Demonstrated success consistently 95% high
Your resume will "fill in the gaps" here, but you have addressed their requirements in your cover letter. Ensure your resume is accurate and up to date. Your resume will reflect your background and should be written with the job you apply for in mind. That means you may have to redo your resume every time you apply for a job. Your resume should be no more than 2 pages plus a one-page cover letter (if you are in Europe, it may be longer). Your resume should emphasize achievements in each position you have held. Be prepared with references, names, numbers, and letters already written on your behalf, if you can. There is lots of online help with resume writing, use it if you are in doubt about your resume. Attach a picture if you can.
Do apply for jobs for which you are absolutely qualified –but not too overqualified (for example, it is an individual contributor, and you have been a Manager or Director-level. Companies may believe you will leave as soon as you find a better job, or will want to promote within too quickly.) Do not apply for a "Trainee" position unless you are applying for a specifically posted trainee position and meet all requirements.
Interviewing and Pre-Screening
1. Expect to be telephone-screened or answer a few questions by email before you are invited in. This may be done by a recruiter in the company or by the hiring manager. Do not say you will wait and explain your background in person to the hiring manager. Whomever you speak to first will probably have the power to weed you out as a candidate. If you appear relunctant to speak, insincere or lack communication skills you will probably be weeded out.
2. Say “my position was downsized” if you have been laid off (made redundant). This makes it less about you and more about your job being eliminated.
3. In all interviews, listen carefully, and answer all questions thoroughly and succinctly. If you are an Extrovert, remember not to talk too much, if you are an Introvert, be sure to be thorough in your explanations and responses.
4. Be prepared to discuss your background in-depth. Be prepared with examples. If you get the dreaded (and ridiculous) “what are your weaknesses” question, make sure your response is not too dramatic. I have had people say in interviews: “I seem to always have a problem with my boss.” Think carefully about a non-provocative response such as, “I am sometimes impatient with myself”.
5. Be sincere. You are also being looked at as a colleague and contributor. Interviewers/hiring Managers want to work with someone they can get along with.
6. Good interviewers will always ask you for examples, so be prepared to discuss the details of your work experience in a positive way. Sell yourself! Be candid about your career accomplishments!
7. Do not try to “convince” a recruiter/hiring manager you are qualified for a job if he/she has indicated you aren’t appropriate for it.
8. Do your homework before the interview, look up the company on the internet, talk with your contact, and find out as much as you can. Be prepared with a few questions of your own. (“What do you like most personally about your job, or this company? What do you find most challenging? What was the effect of the recent reorganization? Get the interviewer to speak.) Don’t ask what the pay is or what you can expect to get paid at the first interview, unless the interview is for a “nonexempt” –blue collar type position, in a factory or retail store for example. Typically in that situation the salary and hours will be explained. If you are exempt-level expect to be asked what your salary expectations are.
9. Salary expectation: If you need a suggestion: State your most recent salary and say you are “negotiable.” Do not give a specific figure or say you will not work for less than any amount. Hoever do not refuse to discuss the issue of salary. I have eliminated candidates who refused to discuss salary with me. Salary expectations are one of the criteria for determining eligibility, so I suggest you stay flexible but be honest about what you have earned previously.
10. It is not recommended to ask about vacations or time off at the first-interview stage. Some of issues I am raising here may sound silly to you, but you would be surprised at the things people sometimes say and ask in interviews!
11. Ensure there is a follow-up plan at the closure of hyoru conversation: know when you can reasonably expect to hear from the recruiter (just ask if it hasn;t been communicated to you). If appropriate ask when you can call back. Ask if there will be further interviews if appropriate. Get a business card. This is as much as you can do.
If you do not hear from the company again, I apologize –for them! Companies usually do send out letters via email or post, but sometimes you will never hear from them again. A sad truth. If however you have been referred by a contact, you are more likely to hear from the company, even if the news isn't good.
12. If you are a final candidate you will probably be asked to come back and speak with several people in the company. Expect that (it is good news!) and remain flexible.
13. Be yourself! Be as relaxed as you can be. Interviewing is stressful for almost everyone. It is especially stressful if you are in a personal crisis situation. But remember your demeanor is being assessed also. If you are perceived as distressed or in crisis that will not help you.
I have outlined what I see as many of the important steps in getting an interview.
*In part 2 I will discuss the “soft” side –that is, how you FEEL, how you act, and exercises you can do before you apply for a job -- to get an interview and to present yourself as your very best self!
With warm regards, Jill
Please contact me at jill444@counselingjob.net
www.counselingjob.net
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WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
04/15/20090 Comment(s) +image Carpathian mountains Ukraine (internet)
“ God dwells within you as yourself, exactly the way you are.
God isn’t interested in watching you
enact some performance of personality in order to comply
with some crackpot notion you have
about how a spiritual person looks or behaves. We all seem
to get this idea that, in order to be sacred, we have to make
some massive, dramatic change of character, that we have
to renounce our individuality. …So what is my natural
character? ….. my dream of finding divinity by gliding
silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile –who
is that person? That’s probably someone I saw on a TV
show.” From Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert*
The unique place from which each of us experiences life is truly that –unique. You have something to add to the whole, as exactly the person you are. You are a “hero” in your own possibly-quiet life, doing the best you can, learning to deal with negative circumstances, growing as a result of experience.
The true heroes are not the media-celebrated celebrities. Heroic behavior is not the adventure portrayed in films: it is dealing effectively and learning from challenges regular people like us face on a daily basis. Heroes are each of us, taking life, experience-by-experience, and being present for it as much as we can be (and that may feel “imperfect” at times).
It is not necessary for any one of us to try to change who we are. Experiencing life is about focus of attention and choice: we each have the capacity to choose negative energy and positive: within ourselves as well as externally in our lives. In behavior, in thought, in feelings. The hardest thing to do sometimes is to take responsibility for that. So we may feel it has been done imperfectly.
When we experience the “dark times” in our lives, we sometimes see the darkness in ourselves. That is self-awareness and that makes us whole. It does not mean we choose to exercise or even EXORCISE that darkness within us: it only means we are aware of it. It is who each of us is. And when we do exercise negativity; OK, we are human.
So why would we ever think we are unworthy, not qualified, unable to deal with anything life hands us? Why would we believe we need to be different than we are, whether that is in the midst of a career crisis, searching for a job, or any other experience in our lives, for that matter? Why would we listen to anyone but ourselves, and our own inner wisdom, which knows exactly we each want and need?
The key to successful growth and personal evolution in the career counseling process is awareness of and acceptance of self. Once we understand the extent of the true nature of our personal gifts, and why we DESERVE to spend our time sharing our unique gifts, why the world NEEDS that from us, we can better understand our hearts desire.
That will be a relative thing to each of us: we are each unique.
Ultimately it will not be a better resume, building up your past, “who you know” or any external tool you think you have to use to get a better job. It will be YOU, your awareness, your belief in yourself and your deservability. That’s the real “heroes journey”!
You think you are worthy –feel you are worthy—know you are. There is no affirmation, there is no well-being program, there is no external teacher, and there is nothing but US to find that within.
We are each of us combinations of darkness and light. We are each “divine.” Our challenge is to know this and make choices in feeling, thinking, and behaving-- accordingly. There are no excuses. Now is the time to be open to learning it.
With warm regards, and right-there-with-you on your path!
"Words don't teach. You never get it done.(and you can't get it wrong) Well being wants you. Well being is the order of the day. You are not here as regurgitators... you are creators... All is well."Quote from Abraham Hicks: (www.abraham-hicks.com)
Jill
*Elizabeth Gilbert’s wonderful book EAT PRAY LOVE is an honest and inspiring read for those of us who look for spiritual connection and meaning in life, whatever your “spiritual persuasion”. She reaffirms over and over that becoming at peace with exactly who we are, is the secret to our finding ourselves in life.
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FOCUS AND CHOICE: WORKING WITH A MISSION STATEMENT
04/08/20090 Comment(s) "Sun and Moon": MC Escher
MISSION (INTENTION) STATEMENT:
USING MY _____________________, ____________________
(skills/talents)
AND ______________________
(interests)
AND ______________________
(experience)
I WANT TO ____________________________________________
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
(Spend my time this way, in an environment like this --or doing this-- or feeling like this)
Often the chain of events in working with a career counselor involves (redefining and) re-discovering one’s experience, interests, skills, talents, and desires. It also may involve redefining the environment ones chooses to work in. Writing a statement that directly addresses each can be very helpful, because it encourages us to be focused and clear about what we care about most, and the aspects of ourselves we find most important to use in our jobs/careers. IT IS AN IMPORTANT STATEMENT OF INTENTION. When we get to this stage, we will in principle have been through (if applicable) psychometric testing, review of talents and abilities, interests, review of life and job experiences, and in-depth discussions, thought and contemplation. We can then make a statement summing these things up. We call that the “mission statement” and it is a unique statement of our personal attributes, abilities, desires and values. It reflects what is important to us individually, so it requires us to define those things specifically. If you would like to try this, you may use whatever format you choose, but I have provided a guideline above.
A FLEXIBLE MISSION STATEMENT THAT CHANGES OVER TIME
For several reasons, it is important to remember this is a flexible statement. First, we will want to change it! Initially we may not be completely aware of our true talents (or may downplay them), we may not understand how even non-job oriented experiences contribute to our personal growth and expertise, and we may not yet understand how our personal belief systems can hold us back. The statement of mission may change from day to day for awhile as you change, and ultimately if you continue to use it long term, it could (and probably should!) change from year to year.
Second, since the point of career counseling is obviously to help us focus on what we truly want, (by highlighting unique skills, talents, interests, beliefs and environmental preferences) we may not KNOW what our true hearts’ desires are. That’s OK – this is the self-discovery process that can come through career counseling. As I have mentioned previously, we may not know what we want to DO –but we know how we want to FEEL about our work. The mission statement at first can reflect just that –how we want to feel. Later it can be changed.
Finally, as I have also mentioned in the past –if we get too specific about what we want to do career-wise, and hold out for ONLY that –we may limit other possibilities we could never have imagined! So even though this is an important exercise to get us focused – it is equally important not to let it limit us! It is perfectly Ok to keep it as a generalized statement of how we want to spend our time. For example, if we make a statement that includes only one job possibility, for example: “I want to be a court reporter,” we may unconsciously block other potential career possibilities.
The “magic” of writing a mission statement is that it helps us focus and choose, but, doesn’t have to limit our many career possibilities!
HOW DO WE WRITE A STATEMENT? CASE STUDIES
So, let’s look at a short example of how one might begin this project. Here are two “case studies” of imaginary people.
Meet Sarah. Sarah can’t yet identify what she wants to do, but she has done a career autobiography and has taken Myers Briggs. She has come to some important conclusions about her skills and interests relative to working with others. Sarah is handicapped: and she can’t stand on her feet for long periods of time. She is 24 years old.
Experiences: Sarah has had experience working as a volunteer in an airport answering questions and helping travelers with problems. Sometimes she was very tired as the job required her to stand a lot. She has also worked as a part-time accountant (and didn’t enjoy the work) She has a BA in Marketing, but she is now unsure about going forward in this line of work. While still in University she spent several weeks doing volunteer work in Guatemala. She enjoyed it immensely. In addition, she organized several events for various clubs she belonged to in college, but found she did not enjoy the “detail” aspect of organizing. She was, however, very good at raising money for donations to various causes .
Sarah’s skills/ talents are: good communicator, articulate, enjoys working with people. Supervisors and friends have told her she is talented at creative problem-solving, she has a warm and open personality. She is a good listener. She is forthright, bright and has a good sense of humor. She has a wide variety of interests. She grasps new concepts very quickly. She speaks intermediate-level Spanish. She cares deeply about human and animals rights and also about the environment.
What she “loves” to do: Primary Loves: she loves to communicate; she enjoys variety and (dislikes bureaucracy, and dislikes working with numbers). She is very social and has a wide circle of friends. She enjoys going to parties and socializing. She likes to “help” others. She loves art and music. She loves animals and loves being outdoors (though she can’t participate in many physical activities). One of her “hobbies” is cinema, and she loves films and reading about them. She also enjoys painting as a hobby. She a loves to cook and enjoys having dinner parties. She loves travel.
Secondary Loves: she has some interest in psychology but is not sure where to take that interest. She keeps a journal and enjoys writing. She likes spending time with children. Likes learning and generally enjoyed being in school. She says the part of school she enjoyed the most was socializing and working for various causes. She enjoys speaking Spanish.
Desires: Sarah wants to do something that “adds value” in the world. She wants a flexible working environment and the opportunity to interact with many different people. She wants to travel and would love to have an experience living and working overseas. She does not value particularly organization, structure, and what she calls “bureaucracy”. She would like to imporve her Spanish and she believes she could use it in her career.
Her mission statement at this point looks like this:
USING MY COMMICATIONS ABILITIES, CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS, EXPERIENCE HELPING PEOPLE IN CRISIS SITUATIONS, AND INTEREST IN HUMAN RIGHTS AND PYSCHOLOGY, I WANT A CAREER THAT ALLOWS ME TO WORK (AND TRAVEL) WITH OTHER HUMANS TO HELP THEM, IN A FLEXIBLE AND DYNAMIC ENVIRONMENT, AND TO FEEL I AM HELPING MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.
(Looking at this mission statement, can you see the direction Sarah is going, and possible job titles?)
Meet Sam: Sam is 30 years old.
Working Experience: Sam did not go to university but worked for a small software firm started by friends, in a “Help Desk” capacity, helping customers who had problems with software installation and use. He did not particularly enjoy working with customers. He then had a short working experience in a corporation on a “Customer Assistance Help Desk,” but he left the job because he was not promoted quickly enough. He did not get along with his boss, though he liked the other members of his team. He does not think he is a good “fit” in a corporate environment, but he liked the structure of a regular 40-hour work week.
Talents: Strong aptitude and ability relative to working with computers. An avid reader, he loves history and almost anything in the non-fiction and science-fiction categories. He knows a great deal about history and Asian history specifically, and has read about it extensively. He enjoys cinema and loves to read. He loves animals and especially fish: he has an aquarium with several tropical varieties. He is a very good writer, loves to do research. He likes structure and prefers to do one thing at a time. He does not have a college degree, and does not have the desire to go back to university at this point. He has a natural talent for working with numbers and is good at managing money. He has a good sense of humor, dry and witty. He also loves heavy-metal rock and roll.
Desires: Sam is a guy who is perfectly happy staying at home and studying subjects of interest to him. He has a logical, rational mind, and enjoys mathematics and problem-solving. He feels he is “different” and sometimes doesn’t “fit” in the world of work. He enjoys interacting with a small circle of very close friends, but not many different people. He likes to be in a structured environment.
Sam’s mission statement now looks like this:
USING MY RESEARCH, COMPUTER (SYSTEMS) ORIENTED, ORGANIZATIONAL , ANALYTICAL SKILLS AND MY INTEREST IN HISTORY, I WANT TO WORK IN A QUIET, STRUCTURED, SMALL -ORGANIZATION ENVIRONMENT THAT ALLOWS ME TO STUDY HISTORY AND OTHER SUBJECTS OF INTEREST.
So there are two scenarios and each of the mission statements will be fine-tuned over time, (especially relative to the final statement, which is always the hardest! As our hypotheticals Sarah and Sam each discover more and more about themselves and what they enjoy and want to do with their time, they will fine-tune the statement. Each of their statements will change over the course of a few weeks. They will become more specific, and also probably longer.
YOUR MISSION STATEMENT/STATEMENT OF INTENT:
If you choose, Try this exercise yourself and see what “comes up” as you are thinking specifically about your talents and skills, experience and desires. IF you have written a career autobiography you will have more information on your likes and dislikes – and will also be clear about what past experiences you want to continue.
If you would like a guide try this one:
My experience (what I enjoyed)
My talents: make a list
I am very good at:
Feedback on me says I am very good at:
My “loves/passions/bliss” in life
Primary (I want to spend a lot time doing these things)
Secondary (I enjoy spending time doing these things –but not
all the time)
Personal Values I want reflected in my job (environment) are:
A comfortable working environment for me is:
Expect this to change; it is a dynamic tool and works as you discover more and more about yourself. Once you try this one time, you will be thinking about it consciously and unconsciously, and you will come back to it with fresh insights. You will eventually have a statement that is a unique reflection of you and want you want for yourself!
Also, try different combinations! For example, you may change around various of your skills and talents and combine them differently. But mostly importantly, focus on those things for which you have talent, and which you love to do!
By the way, you do not have to be in your 20’s and 30’s to do this statement: it works just as well for those of us over 40 and 50 years of age!
Have fun with this!
Please contact me with questions or comments. Jill444@counselingjob.net
Warm Regards, Jill
www.counselingjob.net
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